Doodle and Grow

 FEMBOY BEGINNINGS. Long before it became a reality, DOODLE — a cosmetics brand of my own — was just the recurring daydream I couldn’t shake off — a growing obsession that held my rapt interest every single day I worked at Sephora.

Back then, in certain Sephora locations — especially the tall-ceiling flagships — the walls were decorated with giant editorial posters of stunning women models. These images were refreshed from time to time, almost ceremonially, tied to brand evolutions or seasonal motifs.

 

 It felt like a ritual: eager and naive, I looked up expectantly and often, searching for the day when just one person on that wall looked and felt like thise like me. And each time, for years, I was let down.

You see, back then, there were no AMAB (“assigned male at birth”) models on the walls or gondolas; it was unpalatable. The company employed so many feminine, queer people assigned male at birth, and everyone knew they were a critical part of the beauty industry’s infrastructure. I would never say they were the backbone — that was women. But without a shred of doubt — they were a significant number of the vertebra in that spinal column, so to speak. 

We worked shoulder to shoulder beside women, as peers, and yet only women were on the walls. I can’t even say we were a secret. I fact, some customers deliberately sought us out — preferring queer male makeup artists to female makeup artists — thinking we had superior makeup knowledge, which was observably untrue. Mastery was simply not moated by sex or gender. The best artists wore their resumes on their faces. The wisest clients selected based on observable skill, not prejudice, however harmless in intention.

The stark truth is — feminine males — like most males — were reduced to laborers. Our femininity was permissible because our artistic excellence benefitted the masses. But we hidden, implicitly. Our femininity was miscast as perversion rather than what it often was — a radical homecoming — rebellion and radical self-embodiment. Unlike women, our femininity was seldom regarded as sincere, luminous, authentic, or beautiful. 

There was never resentment toward the women on those walls; they deserved to be there — sovereign, gorgeous, hard-working women who carried the industry forward — who have always held a sanctuary-like solidarity for feminine males. My fondness is bone-deep. But I still longed for an image of myself up there beside them. Not instead of. Alongside. Just as we were in life.

We were allowed to create beauty, but not wear it.
We were allowed to curate femininity, but not embody it.

 

 I will sound hyperbolic here, but earnestly — I looked at those damn walls nearly every shift I worked and thought “When will they see that I’m good enough? Talented enough? Pretty enough? Real enough?” 

In reality, I was employed because I was all of those things.

I simply wasn’t on the walls because it would hurt company profits; the brand didn’t truly embody for the ethics it so adamantly staked claim to. The company was, and is, only “ethical” after it becomes fashionable enough to drive deeper profits. ☕️ 

AMAB employees were revered for their notoriously sublime makeup artistry and high-caliber knowledge in the realm of beauty, which was leveraged for capital gain, but never institutionally respected. The beauty industry was, and is, extractive unethical, and hypocritical at large. 

COLORISM IN A COLORFUL INDUSTRY. Also, at the time, shade ranges in complexion products were abysmal. Black and brown representation was embarrassingly and glaringly absent. I once asked a manager about it and was told — flat out — that ‘Black people don’t buy cosmetics.’ Whether intended as company policy or personal prejudice, that moment stuck with me. And it wasn’t isolated. Management directed disproportionate attention toward Black customers under the guise of ‘loss prevention.’ It was racialized surveillance, whether or not anyone would dare call it that out loud. 

Then Fenty launched. It was a revelation. Finally, black, brown, and deep gold-skinned women had a brand that carried shades worth purchasing, coming from a brand worth supporting. The industry imploded; it realized that women of color were customers, too. What a gross, accurate sentence. But it is futile and misguided to feel embarrassment on behalf of an industry that never felt embarrassment about its own colorist wrongdoings.   

Never was the racism acknowledged. But certainly, marketing cosmetics to women of color became a new, lucrative space for the industry to make profits. Brands expanded their shade ranges slowly, but it was steeped in capitalism, not ethics or a genuine desire to serve.

I’ll also note that there was a broadly painted narrative that “makeup brands catered to white women.” I did not disagree. But it just wasn’t that clean.

 

 I’m Fitzpatrick 1 — the palest skin tone category on Earth. Never — even with the launch of Fenty, who *attempted* to produce shades workable for albino skin — did I have complexion products appropriate for my skin tone. And certainly never did I have a complexion product even close to my shade that I actually wanted to wear, texturally. 

I wasn’t unaware. I knew the patina of privilege made it deeply ugly to complain about this, when this was one of the few ways in which I was not a benefactor of colorism — not to mention that it was literally cosmetic, at that. 

But the frustration with mixing my foundation daily was valid — and the annoyance was shared by many people in other, less-common (and therefore less marketable) skin tone categories.

Specifically — ultra light, ultra dark, and ultra golden (often called “olive”) skin tones were profoundly under-serviced by the industry.

I found, in truth, that the industry catered mostly to light-medium, medium, and lighter brown skin tones. And still, as of 2025, there are only a handful of brand that carry complexion products I can use without mixing a custom color match. 

So, there was a lot I wanted to change.

 Between clients, I wandered the store, swatching every single product, educating myself, and dreaming about a cosmetics brand I actually wanted to work for. Something that fixed all these issues. Something I was truly proud to be a part of.

 

And importantly, a brand where one day, an employee (not unlike my younger self) might walk its aisles, note opportunities for improvement, and be able to have their critiques validated and escalated into structural changes that meaningfully address them.  

FORMULATION FREAK. My desire to optimize at the product level was deep. Every second I wasn’t with a customer, I was at play. My hands were like bizarre easels, explosively colorful one second and sanitized to a blank slate in the next. I don’t know if it’s the ‘tism or just a quirk, but I’ve always been a freak about texture. I hated most products we carried — and so did our clients. My cosmetics bag (like yours, I assume) was a mix of brands, because none had a cohesively solid product lineup. 

I found this unacceptable. These brands — isn’t it their literal, sole job to produce cosmetics *worth* buying? Then to repeat that process — resulting in a lineup of products so solid, so high performance, and so effective at solving actual user issues that they *earn* customer adoration and loyalty? It was noncomplex to me. And yet, very few brands met this threshold. The brands that did at the time generally permitted their products to be tested on animals. This is wicked and unnecessary. I was already studying microbiology, and knew we had the technology to test cosmetics on lab-grown tissue. I found, and find, animal testing utterly nightmarish and, under scrutiny, definitionally sociopathic. 

It was a consistent pattern — a stunning eyeliner here, a patchy blush there, and then a whole line of forgettable lip products. It felt like no one with a deep sensory attention to texture was curating these collections. Very few brands — had true artistry-grade consistency across the board. And most that did had rotten ethics.  

 

And so, the primordial Doodle began to coalesce in my mind. High impact, makeup-artistry grade, high ethics, service-centric “cosmetics.” And if I’m being even more honest — I just wanted people feel beautiful, safe, at play, and uplifted.

To make a long business story short, I am a Swiss Army knife of a person, having a broad suits of skills that all enabled me to create **DOODLE**. I studied ecology in college (if you are paranoid about greenwashing, I’d probably love to talk your ear off about the ways I intend to optimize our brand for environmentalism, and would probably welcome your optimization insights), then business management. All the while, my obsession with the realm of beauty persisted and dare I say — evolved. 

I became interested in makeup that didn’t conceal. Makeup that adorned without obfuscation (a word that also means “conceal”). And in a way, asserted boldly that the naked self is inherently beautiful and enough. In a sense — something acting more as jewelry than a veil.

Still today, it remains essential to me that **DOODLE** is a truly good company. That it pays well, prices fairly, gives its employees equity and profit sharing, is innovative in its environmental practices, stands for true inclusivity and diversity, is inclusive and accessible, and donates to a breadth of charities beyond the scope of what personally impacts me as a founder. It matters that **DOODLE** supports the wonder and wellness of a diverse world, both in our products and in the work we do beyond that. I hope the brand grows — it’s built on such a wonderful, earnest thesis. If or when it does — I intend to scale slowly, to ensure ethics hold. Apologies in advance if the road forward is imperfect; this is my first business and beyond that — my first time being alive! 

Thank you for reading this far, and I hope you got a rich, clear look in the creation and vision of *DOODLE*. 

Lastly, I’d like to touch on our investment initiative — DOODLE AND GROW.

Throughout the year, **DOODLE** contributes to a variety of causes, each chosen for their impact and alignment with our mission to create meaningful impact in the lives of those we serve. We hope you see yourself in these causes. And if you don’t — please shoot us an email. 

In no particular order:

• Queer Rights and Wellness: Promoting equality, safety, and health within LGBTQ+ communities to ensure everyone can live authentically and without fear.

• Women's Wellness: Supporting initiatives that enhance health and empowerment for women through education, healthcare access, and advocacy.

• Men's Wellness: Addressing health issues prevalent among men, including mental health, to break down barriers to wellness.

• Veteran Wellness: Assisting veterans in accessing the care and resources they need to lead fulfilling, healthy lives after service.

• International Crisis Relief: Providing aid in times of global emergencies, such as natural disasters or humanitarian crises, to offer relief and rebuild lives.

• Wellness for the Disabled or Otherly Abled: Enhancing accessibility and support for individuals with disabilities, promoting inclusion and equal opportunities.

• Addiction Rehabilitation: Offering support for addiction recovery, focusing on compassionate care and comprehensive rehabilitation services.

• Racial and Ethnic Minorities Wellness in the U.S.: Supporting health and empowerment initiatives for racial and ethnic minorities to overcome systemic barriers and achieve equity.

• Education: Investing in education to empower young minds, especially in underserved communities, fostering opportunities and growth.

• Mental Health Awareness: Raising awareness and reducing stigma around mental health, while supporting access to mental health services for all.

• Environmental Conservation: Contributing to sustainability efforts that protect our planet, from reforestation projects to wildlife conservation and combating climate change.

• Elderly Wellness: Providing support for the elderly to ensure they have access to the necessary care and companionship they deserve.

• Child Welfare: Protecting and uplifting children through initiatives aimed at improving health, education, and safety.

• Cultural and Arts Education: Preserving cultural heritage and supporting the arts as vital expressions of human experience and creativity.

• Digital Inclusion: Bridging the digital divide to ensure that all communities have access to digital tools and the internet, essential for modern living.